"Foreign" Language Dictionary.....

I have decided that I must be speaking a foreign language to my kids. When I speak to them they look at me strangely, but smile and nod maybe chuckle a little, and hightail it to the other room. (Mind you, this is my exact action when I have either not heard or understood something said by another person.) Ok, so once in the other room, it is my understanding that they pull out an "Understanding Mommy Language, Version 3, Dictionary" and translate what I say.

Here are some common translation:

Mommy Says: Leave the fruit alone. It is not ripe and will not taste good.

Translation: Please, good sir, eat all of my expensive juicy delicious fruit, and then hide it under my coffee table, for that is where we put all unfinished food. Thank you so much =) Have a wonderful day! =)

Mommy Says: Take a nap. We have things to do today.

Translation: Please, good sir, ITS PLAY TIME!!! ROCK AND ROLL!!! YEAH BABY!!! Thank you so much =) Have a wonderful day! =)

Mommy says: Do not go pee in your bed or on the floor. It is disgusting and smells really bad.

Translation: This here, good sir, is the restroom. Feel free to relieve yourself in any corner, toy box, or bed that is not occupied. And if it is occupied, just dont splash any on the walls. Thank you so much. =) Have a wonderful day! =)

Mommy Says: Stay out of the dog food and dog water. It is not to play in!

Translation: Please, good sir, throw this here dog food, all around the house and dance on it. Be sure to soak it in the water first, it sticks better that way. Thanks so much. =) Have a wonderful day! =)

Mommy says: DO NOT PLAY IN THE WATER OUTSIDE OR TURN ON THE HOSE!!

Translation: Please, good sir, we are having a wet t-shirt contest and need you to be in charge of soaking everyone. Be sure to make it really muddy and get the dogs. Everyone likes wet dogs and mud!! Also, good sir, wet yourself and roll in the mud..... it is the only way to win the contest. Thanks so much. =) Have a wonderful day! =) Oh yeah, good sir, be sure to sit on the couch, it is the winners chair. =)



Now that i have a better understanding of what i am saying to my children, maybe we can have a better day. Thanks so much. =) Have a wonderful day! =)